Day #6

Today I am grateful for:

1. Being able to sleep in late this morning

2. Tom picking up the house on his day off and making lunch

3. Spring

4. My big sister

5. Amy making me laugh with her bird picture

6. Grace completing 3 days of school. She's learning soo much this year

7. Prom dresses and friends

8. Good friends make the best neighbors

8. My parents

9.  Sisters, nieces, and cousin

10. School programs, children singing, and dancing

11. Grandparents and brother in laws

12. Sleepovers

13. Laughter

Choosing Gratitude Day 4

Today, I am grateful for:

1. Freedom
2. Floppy, white puppies
3. Talks with my sister
4. My adorable nieces, Sydney and Emme
5. Being the mother of 3 beautiful girls
6. My husband
7. My faith in Jesus Christ

Choosing Gratitude

I woke up Monday to tragic news. My cousin died by her own hands. Suicide. My heart sunk, my eyes began to fill with tears and questions came to my mind. Why? Why? Why would a young, beautiful, wife, mother, daughter, cousin ,friend want to end her life? Only thirty years old, why?

As funeral plans were made, my soul ached. It ached for her husband,her children, my family and her friends. All left with questions. I cried out to God, why? Please, help me make some sense of this tragedy.

I truly believe God is faithful. I believe He is sovereign. I trust in Him. I started to think to myself, is my faith being tested? I know deep down inside that God doesn't test us in ways like this. He allows things to happen and works them out for good. Bad things happen because of sin. My faith was wavering as I kept thinking about what had taken place. I began to dig into my bible. I've learned over the years, it is the place to turn for the answers to my questions about the things I do not understand.

As I read in the first few chapters of Genesis, I came to the passage where Eve eats from the tree, then she handed the forbidden fruit to Adam. As Adam ate from the forbidden fruit, sin first entered into the world. The bible says, "They saw that they were nake and were ashamed." God called for them, "Adam, where are you?"

I've read these passages hundreds of times but this time, it was as if it were the very first time. Questions flooded my mind. I thought to myself why would a sovereign God ask where they were? He knew. Adam was hiding because he knew he was naked and ashamed. Sin in a instance entered into the world. I had my the answer to my question, Why? Sin that is why.

We live in a sin cursed world. That is why there is death, suicide, murder, adultery, depression, war, earthquakes, tornadoes and so many other horrible things that happen every single day. Meditating on this passage in Genesis,like never before, I realized I am no different than my cousin. We are both sinners. Sin entangles us into a web, like a spider capturing its prey. It entangles us do deeply, sometimes we lose hope. My cousin lost hope.

Examining my life, I realized I too am entangled in a web of hopelessness. On the outside, I have everything. A loving husband, beautiful children, a comfortable life, faith, and so much more. However,I have been choosing to not fully live my life the way God intended. He created man and woman for His glory. It hit me like a ton of bricks, does my life glorify God? My answer, NO.

Somehow in the midst of raising children, being a wife, sister, daughter, cousin and more, I realized I am just going through the motions. Breathing but not living. I've had little hope. I've not been living a life of gratitude. A life that glorifes God.

God has used the tragic death of my dear cousin, to peel the scales off of my eyes.

I have a job to do and I need to do it with gratitude. I am so undeserving of His grace but He still gives it to me freely. It's been a rough week emotionally and physicaly draining. However, I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. Hope. A desire to live my life to the fullest. A desire to choose gratitude instead of living out of my emotions. So, the next time I feel like crawling back under my favorite blanket and hide from the world, I'm going to remind myself of my cousin. A life cut short by hopelessness.

I'm using this tragedy for something good. I want to really live my life with joy and love for God and my family.I'm challenging myself to be more hopeful and more grateful. Intentionally, hopeful and grateful for a year.

its a start, for a full year, I will journal the things I'm grateful for and I will prayerfully thank God for His mercy and grace. The normal, mundane things I take for granted are blessings. Choosing gratitude will stretch me, change me, and guide me. I'm praying God will change me for the better. I am going to live my life intentional. Grateful. Hopeful. Thankful.

God isn't finished with me yet. For that, I am grateful.

2009 Memories

 2009 Memories I will cherish:

12 years of marriage with my husband, Tom.
I am another year older and wiser, 36 years old!
Reconnecting with old friends, meeting new ones, and even saying goodbye to some dear ones.
Listening to my youngest daughter, Gracie pray and ask Jesus to live in her heart and forgive her of her sins.
Being asked to baptize my dear friend Carrie and a sweet Kindergartener I teach in Sunday School.
Revisiting my Mother's childhood Kentucky home and reconnecting  with my cousins.
The look on Gracie's face during her 5th Birthday Party.
Celebrating Uncle Ricky's Birthday.
Spending Mother's Day with my Mother and Sister, shopping antique stores, laughing at the old toys we use to play with!
The overwhelming prescence of the Holy Spirit, I felt when Tom took me to the Dunes for a getaway in April.
Spending time reading my bible, writing my favorite verses in the sand.
Tom grilling the best steak and lobster for lunch while I played in the sand.
Playing softball with family and the neighbors in our court.
Laughing with Amy about how random we are and how we are just not right!
Sending Taylor to camp. Praying God will protect her and she'll come home filled with a little more of Him.
The moment Michael Jackson was announced dead. Shocked and saddened.
Michael Jackson's funeral. Crying so hard, thinking it was one of the saddest tradegy's I've ever seen.
Watching Amy cry just as hard with me over Michael's funeral!
Realizing how fragile life is.
Realizing I need to share the hope of salvation with my friends and family TODAY. Tomorrow is not promised.
Hot summer days swimming with my girls.
Zoo trips with the family.
Going to see "Wicked" with Michael and Amy!
Stepping out of my box and going on vacation in an RV.
The feeling of chiggers on my legs for weeks after my trip.
Resolving, NeVeR to take another camping/RV trip again!
Tom and I trying to fing the Newport Aquarium. Its like they picked up a big ole' tub of water and dumped it on the border of Ohio and Kentucky! Go figure? We couldn't!
Praying all year about whether or not to homeschool and finally making the decision.
Taking a leap of faith. Homeschooling all three girls.
Veteran's Day with my Dad. Listening to his stories about the army. He spoke with intense emotion and could recall an event as if it were yesterday. It helped me understand who he is and why he is the way he is!
Thanksgiving with the entire family!
Decorating the house for Christmas. I love getting out the decorations. Old and new.
Showing my daughters the Christmas treasures my Mother made for me and my sister in 1973, 1977, 1980.
Spending time at the Children's Museum "The Power of Children" exhibit.
Christmas Eve watching Carrie.
Feeling the prescence of the Holy Spirit Christmas Eve. It truly was a Holy Night.
Enjoying the smiles on the girls faces Christmas morning but being more blessed that they said "Happy Birthday Jesus" before they tore into the presents.
Getting my camera.
Ricky loving his Elvis ornament and catalog.
Troy liking his wrestler guys.
Christmas brunch.
Christmas day in our jammies.
Time spent with Grandma and Grandpa with the dogs playing Bop-it!
Spending New Year's Eve with my family and friends. Eating, talking, laughing, taking time to go to the church to pray,watching Anna be King Kong, and watching the ball drop!
Kissing my hubby once again!

Veteran's Day

This year on Veteran's Day, we celebrated my fathers service in the United States Army. The girls made him posters and compiled lists of questions to ask him. I made him his favorite meal-pinto beans, meatloaf, sliced tomatos, friend potatoes. and corn bread. Sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen! When he arrived, he proudly layed out the photographs he cherished. The girls started asking him questions. Listening to them talk back and forth, I suddenly got a lump in my throat and stomach. It hit me, I never knew anything about this period of his life. I started thinking to myself, don't feel bad-he never talked about it. I stood there trying to justify my guilty feelings. Here I am 36 years old and I knew nothing about this part of his life. I quickly sat down and just took in what he was saying. The next thing I know, I started asking question after question. The girls could barely get a word in! I so enjoyed getting lost in the moment, just listening to him recall his days in Korea. He talked about how lonely he felt when he showed up for basic training. How he never felt so alone in his life. He talked about how he felt being drafted. He contimued to tell us about being on leave one weekend. Him and his buddies went to a local bar for a drink. The bartender told his friend to get out because he was colored. They all got up and left. They were serving their country but couldn't sit down together for a drink.

Pieces of my life started fitting together in ways they never could before. I suddenly understood my Dad a little more than ever before. Freedoms I take for granted were not so long ago against the law. I cannot imagine living in a country where I could not sit with my "colored" friends.

I learned a lot about my Dad that day. He truly is a wonderful man. I love him so much. I am so proud to call him my Daddy.