Delight in the Lord

Day#12

Over the past several weeks, I have been intentional about being thankful and joyful. At first, I found myself thinking more positive. The goal was to be more grateful and joyful in my life. It was about being intentional about the small moments in life. I have learned, it takes lots work and I got side tracked.

I've been living for myself for far too long. Feeling a leading from the Holy Spirit, I picked up a favorite book of mine 'Practicing the Presence of God' letters written by Brother Lawrence compiled into a great little book. It took me a couple of days to pick it up and start rereading. God hit me on the head! I made a commitment to God that I would be intentionally grateful and joyful. I promised to keep a written record of my joy. However, as life continued on, I failed. I got so caught up in myself, i slipped into old habits of relying on myself and not God.

So, I picked the book up again and started reading. Brother Lawrence is a perfect example of how to find joy in everyday life. During his daily duties as a monk, he talked to God all day long. No matter what he did he did it with a pure, God loving heart. He practiced the presence of God in everything. Again, he did it with joy and thanksgiving for God's glory.

As for me, Washing dishes several times a day, mopping floors, picking up toys, being a personal chauffeur, homeschooling and doing so much more, I got lost in the process. I just felt being a mom wasn't enough. I needed to be out in the world making a difference. I constantly compare myself to those women around me who work, travel, have careers, etc. Just thinking about where I am in life and how I value this season has been lost in the monotony of being a wife and mother.

God has used this great little book to remind me of something very important. I am His daughter. I matter to Him. Everything I do matters to Him. He has given me a wonderful, important mission in life. That mission is to raise my three beautiful girls. To teach them, the things of God. To train them up to be fully devoted followers of Christ.

God calls us all to serve. He's called me to serve at home for this season of my life. My mission field isn't in Haiti, Africa, or in the inner city streets of Chicago. It's at home to lead by example on how to be a godly wife and mother.

God delights in me because He loves me. I will delight in Him right where I am. I will replace monotony with joy because this is important. I will place God as the priority in my home and I will pass on the things of God to my girls as He has commanded in Deuteronomy 6.

My prayers are not in vain. He hears me and loves me. I will delight in the Lord as I find joy in my journey. Most importantly, I'll do it for His glory not mine.

Choosing Gratitude

I woke up Monday to tragic news. My cousin died by her own hands. Suicide. My heart sunk, my eyes began to fill with tears and questions came to my mind. Why? Why? Why would a young, beautiful, wife, mother, daughter, cousin ,friend want to end her life? Only thirty years old, why?

As funeral plans were made, my soul ached. It ached for her husband,her children, my family and her friends. All left with questions. I cried out to God, why? Please, help me make some sense of this tragedy.

I truly believe God is faithful. I believe He is sovereign. I trust in Him. I started to think to myself, is my faith being tested? I know deep down inside that God doesn't test us in ways like this. He allows things to happen and works them out for good. Bad things happen because of sin. My faith was wavering as I kept thinking about what had taken place. I began to dig into my bible. I've learned over the years, it is the place to turn for the answers to my questions about the things I do not understand.

As I read in the first few chapters of Genesis, I came to the passage where Eve eats from the tree, then she handed the forbidden fruit to Adam. As Adam ate from the forbidden fruit, sin first entered into the world. The bible says, "They saw that they were nake and were ashamed." God called for them, "Adam, where are you?"

I've read these passages hundreds of times but this time, it was as if it were the very first time. Questions flooded my mind. I thought to myself why would a sovereign God ask where they were? He knew. Adam was hiding because he knew he was naked and ashamed. Sin in a instance entered into the world. I had my the answer to my question, Why? Sin that is why.

We live in a sin cursed world. That is why there is death, suicide, murder, adultery, depression, war, earthquakes, tornadoes and so many other horrible things that happen every single day. Meditating on this passage in Genesis,like never before, I realized I am no different than my cousin. We are both sinners. Sin entangles us into a web, like a spider capturing its prey. It entangles us do deeply, sometimes we lose hope. My cousin lost hope.

Examining my life, I realized I too am entangled in a web of hopelessness. On the outside, I have everything. A loving husband, beautiful children, a comfortable life, faith, and so much more. However,I have been choosing to not fully live my life the way God intended. He created man and woman for His glory. It hit me like a ton of bricks, does my life glorify God? My answer, NO.

Somehow in the midst of raising children, being a wife, sister, daughter, cousin and more, I realized I am just going through the motions. Breathing but not living. I've had little hope. I've not been living a life of gratitude. A life that glorifes God.

God has used the tragic death of my dear cousin, to peel the scales off of my eyes.

I have a job to do and I need to do it with gratitude. I am so undeserving of His grace but He still gives it to me freely. It's been a rough week emotionally and physicaly draining. However, I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. Hope. A desire to live my life to the fullest. A desire to choose gratitude instead of living out of my emotions. So, the next time I feel like crawling back under my favorite blanket and hide from the world, I'm going to remind myself of my cousin. A life cut short by hopelessness.

I'm using this tragedy for something good. I want to really live my life with joy and love for God and my family.I'm challenging myself to be more hopeful and more grateful. Intentionally, hopeful and grateful for a year.

its a start, for a full year, I will journal the things I'm grateful for and I will prayerfully thank God for His mercy and grace. The normal, mundane things I take for granted are blessings. Choosing gratitude will stretch me, change me, and guide me. I'm praying God will change me for the better. I am going to live my life intentional. Grateful. Hopeful. Thankful.

God isn't finished with me yet. For that, I am grateful.