Joyful in the Storm

Day #15

I'm choosing to be joyful today because I know you are safe.

God is present and answering my prayers.

I know His ways are not my ways. I don't understand why?

I don't have all the answers for my girls, but I do have one.

God is good all the time.

He loves us.

His grace, mercy, love, and hope is sustains us.

He is my rock.

For that I am choosing joy!

Finding Joy and Gratitude Day #14

I'm learning to see the joy and to be thankful in the small things in life.

Today I found joy in:
1. The wind and warm air blowing in the windows on a beautiful late March day
2. Giggling with my niece over how similar we are
3. Joy in the face of my girls when they get to sleep over at Grandmas
4. Celebrating Ricky's amazing 50 years of life. He beat the odds of being born with Fragile X in a different era of time
5. Looking at my husband and saying a breathe prayer to God , "Thank you for blessing me with a man who loved you first and loves me so passionately." He still makes my heart skip a beat

Thankful for my Children

Day # 13

Yesterday, we set out on one of our many journeys. Myself, my girls, nieces, and one of their friends journeyed to the Children's Museum. Yes, during Spring Break.

I forgot something in my car, so I ran back to go get it. The crossing guard was very polite. We started talking, then she asked why we were visiting the museum. I began to tell her one of my daughters loves legos! I also told her we homeschooled. We were there to check out the planetarium because my girls were doing a research report. She looked at me and said, "Wow. I admire you. I need my time away from my children." I looked at her sadly and said, " I absolutely love spending time with my girls. I love having them with me all the time. I couldn't imagine life any other way." She again said, "Wow," then I crossed the street. In my head I said, "Wow." How sad.

I get the "I could never homeschool my children" all the time. The reasons are usually similar: I need "me" time, I'm not educated enough, they have special needs, etc. The list goes on and on.

I know not everyone can Homeschool. I don't do it because I have nothing else to do. I choose to Homeschool because I firmly believe this is what God wants for my family. Devoting myself, to preparing my girls for life is a joy. It's my responsibility as a parent. Should we leave it up to the schools, the government, the church? I don't think so. Look where its gotten us so far as a nation.

When we started this homeschooling journey, it was just for a couple of years. Now, its our life mission. My husband and I believe, the PARENTS should be the biggest influence on a child's life. We want them to have a biblical worldview, to seek justice, to love mercy, love God, and love others. It's what God commands and expects of us as  parents.

What if everyone took on a challenge they thought was impossible? I certainly thought and often think, I am not equipped for this mission. Then I look into their innocent eyes and could not imagine someone else fulfilling my God given role as a parent.

I rely heavily on scripture and prayer to get me through life. One of my prayers is "Lord, please replace my fear with faith. Give my girls the courage and faith to move mountains for You."

Homeschooling isn't a easy choice but its a choice we've made. God is blessing our family. I pray He will give more parents the courage to take a step of faith and find joy in their journey.

"Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

Delight in the Lord

Day#12

Over the past several weeks, I have been intentional about being thankful and joyful. At first, I found myself thinking more positive. The goal was to be more grateful and joyful in my life. It was about being intentional about the small moments in life. I have learned, it takes lots work and I got side tracked.

I've been living for myself for far too long. Feeling a leading from the Holy Spirit, I picked up a favorite book of mine 'Practicing the Presence of God' letters written by Brother Lawrence compiled into a great little book. It took me a couple of days to pick it up and start rereading. God hit me on the head! I made a commitment to God that I would be intentionally grateful and joyful. I promised to keep a written record of my joy. However, as life continued on, I failed. I got so caught up in myself, i slipped into old habits of relying on myself and not God.

So, I picked the book up again and started reading. Brother Lawrence is a perfect example of how to find joy in everyday life. During his daily duties as a monk, he talked to God all day long. No matter what he did he did it with a pure, God loving heart. He practiced the presence of God in everything. Again, he did it with joy and thanksgiving for God's glory.

As for me, Washing dishes several times a day, mopping floors, picking up toys, being a personal chauffeur, homeschooling and doing so much more, I got lost in the process. I just felt being a mom wasn't enough. I needed to be out in the world making a difference. I constantly compare myself to those women around me who work, travel, have careers, etc. Just thinking about where I am in life and how I value this season has been lost in the monotony of being a wife and mother.

God has used this great little book to remind me of something very important. I am His daughter. I matter to Him. Everything I do matters to Him. He has given me a wonderful, important mission in life. That mission is to raise my three beautiful girls. To teach them, the things of God. To train them up to be fully devoted followers of Christ.

God calls us all to serve. He's called me to serve at home for this season of my life. My mission field isn't in Haiti, Africa, or in the inner city streets of Chicago. It's at home to lead by example on how to be a godly wife and mother.

God delights in me because He loves me. I will delight in Him right where I am. I will replace monotony with joy because this is important. I will place God as the priority in my home and I will pass on the things of God to my girls as He has commanded in Deuteronomy 6.

My prayers are not in vain. He hears me and loves me. I will delight in the Lord as I find joy in my journey. Most importantly, I'll do it for His glory not mine.

Stumbling into joy

Choosing Joy and Gratitude

Day#11

I've had a bad couple of days. I've been overwhelmed with life lately. Cleaning the girls room I came across a letter my daughter wrote me. It said this:

1. Thank you for homeschooling me.
2. Thank you for my legos.
3. Thank you for the roof over my head.
4. Thank you for taking care of me when I am sick.
5. Thank you for loving me.
6. Thank you for my clothes and shoes.
7. Thank you for letting me do my activities.
8. Thank you for the dogs.
9. Thank you Daddy for working so we can have food, house, and so much more.
10. Thank you mom for staying home with us when you could be out doing something else.

My heart is overflowing with emotion. Tears of joy are flowing as I stumbled across joy in my journey.

Finding Joy

Day #10

Thankful for:

1. Homeschooling

2. Listening to my girls laugh

3. Spring weather

4. Walks with the dogs

5. Listening to Makenzie and her friend Grace. They feed off each other!

6. Worshipping with friends in Friendship class

7. Troy's smile

8. Listening to Josh in Friendship class read

9. Nieces and old friends

Choosing Gratitude Day #9

Today I am thankful for:

1. The beautiful blossoms on my trees

2. Signs of spring all around

3. Freshly groomed, adorable puppies

Choosing Gratitude

Day #8

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Sunshine

2. Lazy Sunday afternoons

3. My husband

4. Playing horses and coloring with my Roo

5. My beautiful girls

6. Movies with family

7. Brushing my daughters hair

8. Late night reruns

Choosing Gratitude

Day #7

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Quiet mornings

2. Weekend basketball games

3. Harrison turning 16 today

4. Neighbors

Day #6

Today I am grateful for:

1. Being able to sleep in late this morning

2. Tom picking up the house on his day off and making lunch

3. Spring

4. My big sister

5. Amy making me laugh with her bird picture

6. Grace completing 3 days of school. She's learning soo much this year

7. Prom dresses and friends

8. Good friends make the best neighbors

8. My parents

9.  Sisters, nieces, and cousin

10. School programs, children singing, and dancing

11. Grandparents and brother in laws

12. Sleepovers

13. Laughter

Choosing Gratitude Day #5

Today I am grateful for:

1. Rain Drops
2. Bounce Houses and New Friends
3. Angry Bird Band-Aids
4. Sound of Little Girls Singing, Giggling, and Jumping
5. Laughing with Teenagers
6. Dinnertime with Family and Friends
7. Car Dancing to Michael Jackson
8. Babies with Chubby Cheeks
9. Safe Adventures in the Mom Mobile

Choosing Gratitude Day 4

Today, I am grateful for:

1. Freedom
2. Floppy, white puppies
3. Talks with my sister
4. My adorable nieces, Sydney and Emme
5. Being the mother of 3 beautiful girls
6. My husband
7. My faith in Jesus Christ

Blessed

Choosing Gratitude

Day #3
1. Lots of hugs and smiles from my Tenderhearts in American Heritage Girls Troop.
2. Waking up to the sound of the shower running, knowing Taylor is up, getting ready for the day.
3. The sight of Taylor sitting at the dining room table hard at work with her studies.
4. The way my girls go with the flow when I'm unorganized!
5. Car trips with my girls.
6. Love notes from my love!
7. Hugs from Sydney.
8. Friendship Class
9. The overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit during Friendship Class.
10. Long talks at bedtime with Taylor.
11. Listening to Gracie and Lilla talk during car rides.
12. Great big bedtime hugs from my Makie.
13. Kisses and hugs from my love upon returning home after a long day serving others.

Simply Blessed

Choosing Gratitude

Day Two

1. Early morning snuggles
2. Taylor's eager, helpful hand with anything I may ask of her.
3. Listening to Makenzie giggle as she's running up and down the hallway as a super ninja!
4. Early morning texting from my love.
5. Laughing over the phone with my bestie about the daily adventures of motherhood.
6. Creative, imaginative, and definitely colorful outfits in which Lindsey Grace effortlessly puts together and proudly wears.
7. Makenzie's hugs!
8. Listening to my girls read. Heavenly!
9. Being silly and giggling with my girls as we do our studies.
10. Opening and smelling the pages of my old, worn bible.
11. Listening to the compassion my girls have for others.
12. Waking up to freshly, fallen snow.

Choosing Gratitude Day One

Choosing Gratitude

Day One

1. Giggles from teenagers into the wee hours of the night

2. Gracie whispering, "I love you more" in my ear, then twirling around like a ballerina and singing, "Its like I'm born again..."

3. Listening to Gracie dream about her future horse in loving details

4. Sitting in church with my family, knowing my children are walking in truth and Troy sitting next to me with his bible open on his lap, listening closely, and smiling.

5. Quiet time with myself and my favorite blanket on a Sunday afternoon

6. My husbands vegetable soup

Choosing Gratitude

I woke up Monday to tragic news. My cousin died by her own hands. Suicide. My heart sunk, my eyes began to fill with tears and questions came to my mind. Why? Why? Why would a young, beautiful, wife, mother, daughter, cousin ,friend want to end her life? Only thirty years old, why?

As funeral plans were made, my soul ached. It ached for her husband,her children, my family and her friends. All left with questions. I cried out to God, why? Please, help me make some sense of this tragedy.

I truly believe God is faithful. I believe He is sovereign. I trust in Him. I started to think to myself, is my faith being tested? I know deep down inside that God doesn't test us in ways like this. He allows things to happen and works them out for good. Bad things happen because of sin. My faith was wavering as I kept thinking about what had taken place. I began to dig into my bible. I've learned over the years, it is the place to turn for the answers to my questions about the things I do not understand.

As I read in the first few chapters of Genesis, I came to the passage where Eve eats from the tree, then she handed the forbidden fruit to Adam. As Adam ate from the forbidden fruit, sin first entered into the world. The bible says, "They saw that they were nake and were ashamed." God called for them, "Adam, where are you?"

I've read these passages hundreds of times but this time, it was as if it were the very first time. Questions flooded my mind. I thought to myself why would a sovereign God ask where they were? He knew. Adam was hiding because he knew he was naked and ashamed. Sin in a instance entered into the world. I had my the answer to my question, Why? Sin that is why.

We live in a sin cursed world. That is why there is death, suicide, murder, adultery, depression, war, earthquakes, tornadoes and so many other horrible things that happen every single day. Meditating on this passage in Genesis,like never before, I realized I am no different than my cousin. We are both sinners. Sin entangles us into a web, like a spider capturing its prey. It entangles us do deeply, sometimes we lose hope. My cousin lost hope.

Examining my life, I realized I too am entangled in a web of hopelessness. On the outside, I have everything. A loving husband, beautiful children, a comfortable life, faith, and so much more. However,I have been choosing to not fully live my life the way God intended. He created man and woman for His glory. It hit me like a ton of bricks, does my life glorify God? My answer, NO.

Somehow in the midst of raising children, being a wife, sister, daughter, cousin and more, I realized I am just going through the motions. Breathing but not living. I've had little hope. I've not been living a life of gratitude. A life that glorifes God.

God has used the tragic death of my dear cousin, to peel the scales off of my eyes.

I have a job to do and I need to do it with gratitude. I am so undeserving of His grace but He still gives it to me freely. It's been a rough week emotionally and physicaly draining. However, I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. Hope. A desire to live my life to the fullest. A desire to choose gratitude instead of living out of my emotions. So, the next time I feel like crawling back under my favorite blanket and hide from the world, I'm going to remind myself of my cousin. A life cut short by hopelessness.

I'm using this tragedy for something good. I want to really live my life with joy and love for God and my family.I'm challenging myself to be more hopeful and more grateful. Intentionally, hopeful and grateful for a year.

its a start, for a full year, I will journal the things I'm grateful for and I will prayerfully thank God for His mercy and grace. The normal, mundane things I take for granted are blessings. Choosing gratitude will stretch me, change me, and guide me. I'm praying God will change me for the better. I am going to live my life intentional. Grateful. Hopeful. Thankful.

God isn't finished with me yet. For that, I am grateful.